I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
