if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
