Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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