I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
