Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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