I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
