I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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