the condom got lost in my hair
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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