Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
