Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
