Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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