All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
