I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fuck appropriateness.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
