tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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