Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
