he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
