yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
