I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have aggressive nipples.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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