If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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