All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
