remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
