every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
