If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
