We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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