he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
