my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
