So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
