I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
