i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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