they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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