Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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