I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
