i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
