Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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