who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize