please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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