i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
