Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize