sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
