and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
