Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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