I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
