Me too!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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