Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
