We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
