But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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