we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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