somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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