yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
