hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
