I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
