Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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