i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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