So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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