Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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