My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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