foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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