we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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