Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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