How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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