just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
