Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
