I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize