If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
