Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
